Saturday, 4 May 2013

the (lack of) hair on my head feels really miserable as compared to before where i spent a long time growing them out. i feel like i have let my hair down to experience such loss. perhaps there ought to be a universal chart of some sort where i can point to the amount i'd wish to have him cut. and on that board, i imagine it would be, should also state the price maybe by per inch like how the hairdresser asked if i would like to have it trimmed by half or an inch to which i replied an inch please. the result was not quite what i expected as four inches probably are gone and hair now is thin. and i thought the instruction i gave would suffice as he seemed to know what i was hoping for.

it's the beginning of may now exactly a month after dip show. glad to say that i think i have been productive in this period. it seemed like more than a month but i would prefer to think that time is going slower – for now. been rather reliant on the ipad however where every morning and night involves it, always within my reach when i am awake. am happy to be using my laptop now not sure why but i feel proud/ feels like i have ditched the ipad

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

this is unhealthy

feeling rly hateful even mum was being childish tonight
used to think oh it'll be hard to not used to but this needs to be done already
do not wish to be in school

Sunday, 25 November 2012

cloudnoise asked: i have a sense of myself as trapped between tremendous potential and a stultifying sense that if i don't have a relentless and sustainable passion, and now, i'll be doomed to mediocrity. this feels like the malady of my generation, stalled at a critical precipice, and it's hitting me hard. how do i negotiate what i feel is a significant talent with both momentum when i am desperate for the rest of direction?

by not thinking of yourself as part of a cohort. comparing yourself with anybody, even the implicit comparison you're making between yourself and me by asking what i think, that's poison. you either have the native courage to step off into your own freak expression or you're going to be asking people for permission the rest of your life.

the secret is that not only will they never grant it, but they don't really care in the first place.

no one cares and it's up to you to bend that indifference into something liberating.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Distinctions, or the categorisation of things, are of equal importance because we only recognise the state of being in-between if we are aware of the commonly accepted groups on either side (for example, someone could be called a ‘young adult’ because there are the recognised categories of ‘child’ and adult’ surrounding such a description).

A contradiction exists in the very act of looking at the threshold, because by focusing on something, we make it the centre of our attention. In doing so, we end up centralising it and removing it away from being in-between (i.e. it would no longer be in transition in the eye of the observer because to focus is to freeze it in time).

Thursday, 20 September 2012

an unclear preferably dark photo of yourself is needed
it is one of the things that is in common

i was on my way home yesterday feeling happy about things generally but i now think back i realise it is only temporary. anyway suddenly thought of the chocolate wafers – tim tam, and the fun of dipping them into a cup of hot drink like milo/coffee. with both ends bitten off, ultimately having the same function as a straw. wafer melts immediately though the chocolate left behind around the mouth can be messy. imagine kid stuffing himself with fudge cake. have not done both for a long time.

do not seem to have appetite recently and currently having a stomachache after downing a cup of chilled ribena. second time now after yesterday's. maybe it is spoilt. i cannot seem to wake up earlier now to catch the bus. i still do not sleep early. i am tired of asking people.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

malicious little things

dust is persistent. no matter how much time is taken to wipe - it always returns, settling on my table and on surfaces of other paraphernalia which requires more effort to wipe. i try to keep table as clear as possible allowing more flat surface area for easy cleaning.

imagining each dust particle looking like fuzzballs, perhaps similar to the ones in spirited away but not too innocent looking, donning little grey coats floating down from wherever they are with black boots and when they land (everywhere - every nooks and crannies of the house rly) they give a sinister grin for successful landing (idk when is it ever not). they proceed to meet their pals giving each other great big hugs so they will form balls of dust over the course of time.

this makes little sense/ am just refusing to start recalling for the 'tasks assigned' 3 weeks ago not to even mention 'what was learnt during the week'