"i'd rather have no one than feel undervalued by people that i value"
"a certain unique and strange delight about walking down an empty street alone"

have thought about these before and i agree but somehow thought that some may interpret this as being bitter/sad
i feel that it is perfectly fine though

raining

i wake up after 5h or so and am glad that tonight i am able to have some rest
felt briefly sad when i realise this in school that we are genuinely happy to get some sleep sounds deprived
seems ridiculous to feel bad for sleeping but that's alright because we have been dealing with this for the past 2 years

studying overseas seems to get quite lonely but i think that i wouldn't really mind
that is if i am able to and to where i am not sure but anywhere else sounds good
i haven't met anyone who really wants to stay

a white lie wouldn't hurt

sometimes people can get rather insensitive
it may not be intentional but it is upsetting

daily

i feel safer when i'm outside now but only when the sun is out. daily routine:
unspoken competition with my brother in the morning /on who is able to squeeze out the little amount of toothpaste /refusing to get a new tube. the current one is as flat as it can be. as always with school I return home late at night often accompanied with creatures of the night lurking around yes cockroaches huge ones okay I think they roam around all day. am serious about this i think they like me a lot because ever since that one landed on my head i've encountered more of its buddies.

removed

deleted the unnecessary ones that seemed awkward and unnatural

haven't been visiting this space and the last recorded date is the beginning of march which was the cockroach incident that i'll never forget, probably. since then i've grown more paranoid to keep myself prepared if it is even possible to guard against them - them being the cockroaches. i'll have to thank my dad for he has been diligently keeping them away and happily too while at it. but unfortunately they do not seem to falter and instead greet me whenever i near home now.

am trying to recall the events for the past 2 months while staring at my table calendar. guess it's better to pen it down somewhere after all or it'll be as if i've never spent those days before. so in march i'd finished my evening gown supposedly inspired by ice that turned out looking a little bridal but i believe it's just the colour. gets so dirty easily psh. with that done holiday began and i want it back now.

went to hong kong! with friends! tho someone surprised us with an expiry of passport before the trip. all was well in the end, thankfully. we walked a lot and roamed the streets with really run-down buildings surrounding and seriously the streets look just like each other. i don't really watch hong kong dramas very often but the places we went look just like wherever they filmed. a holiday like this felt great as we were able to do whatever we wanted/decided. only regret from this trip was not being able to eat really good dimsum and steamboat. how wasted but it's okay there's always a next time for another getaway.:-) anyway the street food there was good too and cheap or rather the things there are, compared to singapore's. we also met up with our hk classmate and she brought us around nearer to the suburb. fun lasted for 5 days oh which reminds me about something about flying. i love plane food and i think i ought to be grateful that my ears do not hurt at all when flying. i think it may be how my ears are hm.

as usual for the first few days upon returning from hk i feel a little sad (seems to last longer for australia and this must be due to the duration of my stay there oh i miss it already) and there should be a term for this right since others feel this way too. anyhow went to the dip show at vivo city and then feeling all stressed up again looking at the exhibition thinking "my time will come soon i hope i don't die from fatigue and procrastination". then i started to think about my portfolio which i had to prepare. but decided to push that thought aside anyway. went to the SA carnival and it was basically a fun fair. i haven't been to one for the longest time. so i guess i did have some fun - eating nachos.

started to plan and panicked for my portfolio and photoshoots, finally. flea next day which wasn't great with the rain and location (i think) but sold 95% at terribly low prices. 19th was my sister's birthday and i realised that i should perhaps attend her zombie apocalypse party. went with normal attire cause of work before that and all nauseous due to dad's driving (i feel bad for him). i feel happy for her and glad that she enjoyed it but organising a party is really ---- troublesome.

as of now i have survived week 1 of year 3 - not easy really but slowly getting the momentum back again. in the beginning of most modules i'd be thinking that this do not seem possible for me but meh if i don't do it i'd die so okay fine. it's now 3am and am wide awake, something i'm not capable of if i knew i have school the next day.